Because Monday

This girl is lighting up my day today. 

Jonamac Orchards Apple Picking

Yesterday was the first day of the fall season. After living in Boston for four years, fall became my favorite season of the year because I loved the kaleidoscope of colors, the cooler temperatures, and, most importantly, the flavors! I loved how the season was filled with hot chocolates, apples, pumpkin, cinnamon sugar, and butter. Now that we are in Chicago and the weather is becoming more fall-like (really though, what's summer weather in Chicago because I missed it), I find myself in that familiar place of wanting long walks outside and baking anything and everything with apples. 

This past weekend we took the girls to experience a quintessential fall activity: apple picking! I had been researching different orchards beforehand and on Sunday decided we would be visiting Jonomac Orchard. This orchard was close to an hour and a half from home, but it seemed to offer the most bang for the buck and I liked that they didn't charge a per person rate for the apple picking. 

We bought a half peck ($13 for about 5 lbs of apple) and went to town picking Golden Delicious, Ruby Jon, and Jonathan apples. The girls had so much fun (we adults did, too) and I couldn't get over how cute they looked picking apples. Little things like this make me so happy we are in Chicago and able to give the girls such unique experiences. The best part of this experience was being able to eat the apples right then and there. We tried all three varieties and Cati determined "delicious golden" was her favorite. 

After apple picking, the girls played in the huge Barnyard that had slides, haystacks you could walk on, a mini maze, a corn shed, and tricycles. Then, we had the crazy idea of doing the corn maze. This was fun at first, but then we couldn't figure out how to get out and our anxiety must have trickled down to the girls because Elina started asking for home and Cati started saying her legs wee hurting. The funny part is that our anxiety was due to wanting to get out before the girls started complaining and here we were instigating that! It was still fun though, but because it took us so long to figure out the first half, we didn't get to do the second half. 

Before we left I knew I had to get us apple cider donuts. The line was out the door by 1pm but it moved quickly. Everyone loved the donuts. I also bought a slice of apple pie and I wish I would have bought more as that pie had the best crust I have ever tasted. 

It was such a great experience. The girls loved it and Cati has already asked if we could go back this weekend. We'll definitely be making another trip before the picking season ends in November. 

See? Adults had fun, too!

Jonamac Orchard is located at 19412 Shabbona Road in Malta, IL. A half peck (about 5lbs) of apples is $13 and a full peck is $26. A half dozen donuts is $4.50, a dozen donuts is $7.95, slices of apple pie are $2.75, and a full apple pie is $12.95. Corn maze and barnyard admission is $10 for kids (2 and under are free) and $8 for adults. The orchard accepts credit cards, but not American Express and all the bathrooms are port-a-potties (Elina refused to use these bathrooms). My advice would be to try to get there early as it's less busy and the lines are shorter. However, as an adult it seems like a fun place to go later because of the live music and wine tastings. For more information visit their website http://www.jonamacorchard.com/

Follow me on Pinterest @steppystar to see what I plan on baking with these apples. Also, give a follow on Facebook and Instagram @thecookierunner to see more about my Chicago adventures!

Merry Christmas!

From my family to yours: I hope you have a great holiday celebrating with those you love and stuffing your face with those foods you love.

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First Day of School

My lovelies are in school! I can't believe I have two kids in school now. It's been quite an adjustment for everyone, especially Elina, but things have been getting better and better each day. I didn't realize how attached Elina was to Cati until school started so we've used that attachment to help Elina transition better to being in school. This involves waking up extra early to get the girls to school when the toddlers and preschoolers are in the same room, but the earlier wake up has been worth it because it means less tears for Elina. I'm already looking forward to the end of the school year just so I can go back and compare how much my girls have grown in nine months.

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A Little Life Update

Nearly a month ago I posted this recipe for Red Velvet Chocolate Chip Cookies. My intention behind the post was to get back into the groove of blogging. You know what happened after that? Cati got really sick and was hospitalized with pneumonia. To make matters worse, Elina got sick and developed bronchiolitis. Then, I got sick and then everyone got sick again. At one point, the three of us were on antibiotics. The past month has been so stressful because all the colds coincided with the end of the spring semester for me so I had a lot of fun working on my finals while cuddling in a hospital bed with Cati. 2013 is kicking our butts in the health department and I feel like I need a perspective change/adjustment. In the grand scheme of things my girls are healthy. There isn't anything chronic or debilitating, but I still have my moments of "why me?" and "can't we catch a break?" Cati's hospitalization has made me so paranoid of every sniffly nose and cough. My hope is that once school is over (next week!) we'll get a break from all the colds. I want healthy, happy, sleep-through-the-night kids again.

The big news around here is that we'll be moving to Chicago in July 2014!! Alex matched there for fellowship and we are all very excited. Half my family is up there so I am looking forward to reconnecting with them. It's going to be interesting moving up there with the girls and dogs, but we'll make the best of it, especially the cold! So if you are from Chicago, please let me know about things to do and child-friendly places to live in Chicago.

Other than that, things have been moving along steadily. Trying to make the best of everything and trying to enjoy the girls. Hopefully we are done with colds and hospitalizations and surprise expenses for the year. I haven't baked in a long time so please share recipes too!

Elina: Twelve Months

Dear Elina,

Happy first birthday little bug. Officially, I can say you are a toddler now, but in many ways you are still a baby. Or at least you still feel and look like a baby to me because I see the two-year difference between your sister and you everyday. There is so much she can do, think, and say that you cannot yet. For as much as I complain about time having passed too quickly with you (it has), I should also say that I have been able to appreciate your baby-ness.

The greatest lesson you have taught me over this past year is that I can actually enjoy being a mother to both a newborn and a young infant. It took becoming a mother a second time and being your mother for me to realize that new motherhood does not have to be scary or traumatic. For that, I thank you. Being your mother has been filled with redemption and has been an opportunity for me to make peace with the dark shadows of my experience of the early days with Cati. In a way, you gave me closure and, again, I thank you. You have freed me.

I spent some time today looking through pictures and I was shocked by the clarity in which I remember the context of every photograph. The pictures of your first year of life are nowhere near as numerous as those of your sister's, but the ones I do have are more purposeful. Perhaps the reality is that I was more present during this time with you and needed less pictures and I needed more pictures of your sister because I felt like I was roaming around in the fog until she was about nine months old. Who knows? Just remember that it is not about the number of pictures, but the content and meaning of those pictures.

What struck me the most about looking through the pictures was how much you have changed. Your sister has basically had the same face since she was four months old, but not you. I look at the pictures and know it is you because of the features, but if I did not know better, I would think you a different baby. Your face has elongated and thinned out and you have become more petite and pixie-like. You have always been a beautiful baby, but you have gotten prettier with age.

This past month you have gone from taking steps to walking. You have become more expressive and have shown us how much you do understand even without words. You have turned into the most affectionate and cuddly baby and I live for those hugs and big wet kisses. You have truly come to enjoy your sister’s company: every morning you wake up and immediately go to the corner or your crib to look out for her, you love to lay down on her, and oftentimes you are her little shadow. The feeling is mutual too and my favorite memory from this month was one night when we were driving home and, not able to reach you with her hand, Cati reached out to you with her foot. The giggles that escaped both your mouths were the most beautiful sounds. Seeing the love you two have for one another feels like the greatest accomplishment I can make as a parent.

This past year we went on a journey together. We have both grown and changed. You have made me a better person just by letting me be your mother. I have seen you go from being a helpless newborn to a happy toddler with spunk. I knew if I could make it through this year with you, we would be set for life. There will be more difficulties, challenges, and changes ahead, but it was this first year together that scared me the most. We both did it. I need to take this lesson from both of you to heart: you both trust me with your lives, so I should start trusting in myself too.

Thank you Elina-bug for this past year. For choosing me to be your mother and your imperfect guide through this imperfect world.

Love always,

Mami 

Elina: Ten Months

Dear Elina,

Happy ten months sweet girl. I think I am finally over the shock of how old you are becoming. All the other months have felt so bittersweet to me as I’ve seen my baby grow and grow with no regard to how small I want her to stay. Maybe I have just accepted that you will keep on growing and that the only way to stop time or go back in time is through the memories that have been planted in my heart. Or maybe it’s just that I am starting to get excited about the milestone that will be your first birthday. Perhaps it’s the excitement of planning a party to celebrate the beauty that is you and your first year of life, which has me looking forward instead of backward. Either way, today I am living in the moment of today, with one foot ready to step off the past, the other foot ready to step in the future, and my heart firmly in the present.

This past month has been the month of movement. There have been so many falls and bumps and, again, I am amazed at the fearlessness and perseverance of a child learning how to stand and walk. You are one fast crawler and are becoming a fast climber. You hate being restrained in any way (car rides have become so much fun!) and you love trying to climb up the many stairs in our house. Being mobile means you have learned new ways to get attention and I will admit that I love when you crawl over to me, pull yourself up using my jeans, and make your dinosaur noises so that I will look at you and pick you up.

This has been the month where we are really starting to see the relationship deepen between you and your sister. Cati makes you laugh like no one else. Her concern for you is so touching and the way you follow her around is so sweet. Sharing is an issue, but this is just another thing you two will have to learn how to manage. I just hope that you always love each other and enjoy one another’s company as you do now.

I call you Elina-bug, but the more appropriate name is Elina-saurus because you sound like a dinosaur with all your hissing and gurgling noises. One day Cati even said you sounded like you swallowed a crocodile. You do, however, have more sounds in your language and this month is when you started making the dada and mama sounds. You haven’t said your first word yet, but with all the movements you are making you are more focused on learning how to walk rather than learning how to talk. I’m almost expecting your first word to be something like “yogurt” because of all the yogurt you eat! As for eating, you are still a great eater. You drink four-5oz bottles a day and you will eat almost anything I put in front of you. The only thing you don’t seem to be too crazy about are fruits; it’s as if every fruit is too bitter or sour for you with the faces you make and how quickly you spit them out.

This month you got two new teeth and, at ten months old, you have seven teeth. Teething is the only time you are ever a “cranky” baby and, luckily for you, you don’t teeth for two long.

You flew on an airplane for the first time this past month and you were such a trooper. We spent six days away from home and, aside from hating the car seat, you went with all the changes. A trip away from home, whether it is to Texas or the grandparents’ house, is something that always makes me a little sad because you are doing certain things so much younger than I would have thought I would feel comfortable with because you have an older sister. I feel as if I am letting go a little faster with you.

Ten months have gone by my little one. Lots of letting go and seeing you grow and wanting the world to stop just so I can hold you just a little bit longer. While I curse Time at times, I also thank Time for not stop and propelling me forward. I know each future moment with you will be better than the moment now, but it’s hard to say goodbye to what was. It’s so easy to stay stuck in the what-was and what-is, but because of your sister I know that the what-will-be is worth this unstoppable movement forward.

I love you always and thank you for giving me these ten months with you. Being a mother has never felt so rewarding.

Love always,

Mami

Austin Trip

We flew out to Austin December 6th. Following a stressful week at school, I was so excited about being able to take a break and visit some place new. It was just the girls and me on this trip and, if I knew then what I know now, I don't think I would have gone through with the trip.

The plan was to visit Austin in October with Alex but things got complicated and I was afraid I would be even more stressed out going on a trip like this in the middle of the semester so the trip was postponed to December. I don't know what I was thinking when I booked the trip, but the reality of having to entertain two mobile and short attention spanned children on a plane and be the only adult they feel comfortable with for close to a week, did not sink in. The weekend before the trip was when I became nervous. The morning of the trip I was an anxious mess. Timing was bad and there was no one available to take us to the airport. With the help of so many kind strangers, I managed to get two kids, a stroller, a big piece of luggage, a duffle bag, and four small bags checked in and on the flight to Austin.

When we got to the terminal I went into one of the stores with the girls and let Cati pick out something for Elina and herself. Elina got a blue stuffed teddy bear and Cati picked out a Crayola backpack full of crayons, markers, chalk, and paper. I will forever be thanking Cati for this choice because that backpack was all we needed on the flight to Austin. Well, that and lots of snacks. We had a row to ourselves (no one wanted to sit next to us!) so once the seatbelt sign went off, girls were free to crawl and walk around out little row. I tried to treat the three-hour flight like we were playing at home, just in a much more confined space.

My dad surprised us at the Austin airport and my sister drove us home. For six days, my sister had three car seats in the back of her car. We did as much as we could sanely do and my girls took turns being cranky whenever there was a car ride. We spent the last two days there just hanging out at the house because I could not bring myself to another car ride.

While there, we visited The Capital and walked around the downtown area. We visited Pioneer Farms and ate at The Salt Lick (delicious!!!). We ran Color Me Rad and had a girls night out. I got to cuddle with my niece and see how my girls interacted with their cousin.

It was so much fun but so exhausting. Getting the girls to sleep in a new environment is always fun and for the three of the nights I slept with Cati and the other three nights I slept in an inflatable bed in the girls' room. Elina woke up each morning crying like a banshee (she was the house's alarm clock). The girls wanted to be with no one other than me and my dad would joke around and call them my shadow. The last two days were particularly rough because that's when Elina started teething so she was even  clingier and, in general, my patience as the parent doing everything was running dangerously low.

I was nervous again the day of the flight back. Luckily, the flight back had more kids so I didn't feel as bad if my girls acted up. I had more help from strangers and was soon on my way home. When I spoke to Alex that day he asked if I missed him or if I just missed the help. The truth was, I missed both and I missed that feeling of being able to walk away knowing my daughters wouldn't cry out for me and that feeling of having someone else feel the responsibility of parenting this children as much as I do. I missed him having my back and I felt so lucky I got to come home to this amazing man my daughters felt so comfortable around.

The flight back was just as smooth as the flight to Austin. We didn't even need the Crayola backpack on the flight back because the girls were more entertained with playing with each other and eating snacks. The girls did, however, pass out as soon as we were in the car driving home.

What's funny or sad or ironic to me is how quickly we can step back into the old roles and routines of everyday life. I was happy to be home but within hours of being home I was already stepping back into the frazzled-ness that I feel characterizes me at the moment. Again, the trip was great and I am so happy we survived, but I think I will be waiting a long, long, long time before I travel by myself with the girls again.

And after all that has been said, here are pictures from our memorable trip to Austin, Texas:

Flying to Austin

At Home & Out and About

The Capital

Pioneer Farms

The Salt Lick

Flying Home

Again, it's feels so good to be home. I love my family and am so thankful for all the time I got to spend with them, but there's no place like home. I think even the girls were starting to miss home. I was afraid they would be thrown off, but even they have gone back to their roles and I can happily report that there has been no banshee crying here.