Night Night Perla

The past day and half has been tough. The past 8 hours have been agonizing. I sit here trying to write this post but the tears are making it hard. Perla is gone. If you have a pet you absolutely adore, make sure to give them a big hug and kiss as soon as you can. If you aren't a pet person then just ignore this post.

Perla was my dog for 16.5 years. She was my friend, my confidante, my sweet, sweet companion. I had her for more than half of my life. She went through puberty, dating, moving, marrying, and having a child with me. She was a constant in the midst of a life that was sometimes everything but. Although her barking would annoy me and having to clean up pee every morning was something that aggravated me, I loved her immensely. These were the little annoyances I dealt with because I had her to remind me of what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. She was my dog and she knew it.

Monday night I noticed that her bruising was back. Alex checked her Sunday and she was bruise-free. I gave her steroid in hopes that it would kick start the healing process like it had done so many times in the past. This time, her body resisted, the bruising got worse and she spent all of yesterday being lethargic. She ate, peed, and pooped but was lethargic. I debated taking her to the vet because I secretly thought this was it and because I didn't want to make whatever time she had left be spent in a vet's office doing things that hurt and made her uncomfortable. At night, I couldn't sleep because, again, I felt like this was it. I read my book and kept telling myself, "the next chapter is short so I'll read it and then go to bed." Sometime between 12:30am and 1:00am Perla threw up and peed on herself. I woke Alex and asked him to help me clean. As he cleaned the floor, I cleaned Perla. She was a weak little thing in my arms. Her 10lb body was limp and just hung down from my arms. She was still and I couldn't feel her heart and I asked Alex if she was dead. Her jerking movements proved she was still alive, but just barely. We sat on the floor with her, petted her, told her how much we loved her and that it was ok to go. And she did. Even after she was gone we just kept petting and crying and hoping that her life here with us was as good as it could have been.

I knew I didn't want Cati to wake up and find Perla so at 2:00am I made calls to find out where we could cremate her. We didn't want the ashes and I knew I didn't want to bury her in our backyard. Just the thought of digging a hole, putting her in it, and throwing dirt on her seemed so morbid, especially since this is just our starter home. I drove to the other side of town to a 24-hour vet and there they took her away from me like she wasn't the most special dog in the world. My goodbye was short but I had been saying goodbye all day long.

Perla was just too old. There's only so much her body could take. As weird as it sounds, I couldn't have asked for a better death for her. She wasn't in pain and she went on her own terms with us stroking her soft, curly poodle hair. I'm happy she passed at home instead of at a vet's office and that it was natural versus us making the decision to put her down.

Today begins the struggle. The struggle of going from is to was, of going from living in the present to living in memories. There will be no more barking Perla excited to see me come home. No more beds or little reminders of her physical presence in our home. She had a good life. There were multiple points in her life where I'm sure others would have put her down or given her up. She had plenty of health issues and despite it all she went with us to Boston, came back to Miami, and got to spend nearly 2 years with Cati. That last part is what hurts the most: how do I explain to Cati that Perla is never coming back? I deflected her questions this morning because I have no control over my tears and I don't want Cati to worry but what do I say to her when she realizes she hasn't seen Perla or that she won't be seeing her? How do we make it through a bedtime routine that included giving Perla a kiss? How do we make it through Cati purposefully dropping food so Perla could eat? I just ache all over at the thought.

Now it's finding a new normal. Now it's about being thankful for the time we did have, for feeling lucky enough to have had such a great dog. I will always love Perla, I just can't believe she is actually really gone. I go from feeling guilty (could we have treated her better?) to feeling relieved (at least she died at home and is in a better place) to feeling sad, like there's hole in my heart. Like Alex said this morning, today just feels like a bad dream, one that spilled over from the night and into reality.

Right now, though, I am so thankful for Cati. She is the one thing that will force me to move on. I want a happy daughter and that means I need to be happy. To do that I need to focus on the happy moments, the happy memories, and the imprint of happiness that has been left on my soul as a result of having Perla by my side for as long as I did. She was a good dog and I just hope that she's up in doggy heaven thinking that I was just as good of an owner.

 

PS Sorry this is so long and sorry if it's all disjointed. I don't have it in me to go back, read, and correct.

Happy Birthday Perla!

My little poodle pup turns 15 today! I can't believe she's 15 years old. When the heck did that happen? I've had Perla for more than half my life and she's been my dog since the very beginning. I was always the one responsible for cleaning up after her, taking her for walks, and bathing her. When I moved out of my mom's house she came with me. When I moved to Boston she came with me. I refused to live anywhere that didn't accept pets. I'm lucky that Alex fell in love with her and was ok with sacrificing some nicer apartments in Boston all for the sake of finding one that allows pets. Perla survived the cold weather and was more than happy to return to Miami to a house with a backyard all for her to enjoy. Because she's been with me through so much I can barely imagine what life would be like without her or the sound of her bark when we get home or the sound of her nails against the wood floor. She's been through a lot herself, uterine infection, breast cancer, tumor growths, and cataracts. Now she's as healthy as can be and still full of a lot of spunk. Happy Birthday Perla! We love you very much :)

The Woof Baby

Pregnancy brings about all kinds of changes. Your body changes, your relationships change, your house changes, and even your dogs change. It's been fun to watch Perla change as my belly grows. She's always been attached to me and that's understandable considering I've had her since she was 8 weeks old and she's now 14.5 years old. But lately she has been really attached. I can't even go downstairs to get a glass of juice without her crying at the top of the stairs. She has to be with me at all times and if she isn't right next to me she has to be able to see where I am. It's cute to see her so attached. I wonder how she's going to react to having a baby here and to having to share my attention with a little one that can probably out cry her any day.
If I'm in the baby's room for any particular reason (lately it's been to organize and reorganize over and over again), Perla likes to lay down within a foot of the crib.
However, if I am sitting in the glider Perla likes to sit there with me too. I don't blame her on this one either because the glider is extremely comfortable. I feel like I am sitting on the clouds when I sit in this chair.
The reason this post is titled The Woof Baby is because of the following two pictures. I had been working on something in the dining room and I walked into the living room and found Perla hanging out in the baby's infant car seat. She was sitting up when I first saw her and looked at me as if I was disturbing her. The nerve of the little dog. I proceeded to take pictures and stare Perla down but she ignored me, made herself more comfortable, and went to sleep.
She obviously didn't get the memo that said the car seat was for human babies only. Or maybe we didn't get the memo that said the baby was already here?

By the way, have any of you read Love You Forever by Robert Munsch? I got this book as a gift and was told that it was a beautiful story that brought one to tears. We read it the very same day we got it and at first I was a little creeped out but then I got it. I cried and felt so full of love and sadness at the same time. So if you have a chance to read this book, I definitely recommend it.

Bummer Day

I took Perla to the vet today and they think she ingested rat poison. It seems she might have ingested it sometime this past weekend while we were away. I feel bad for the little one. I was sobbing in the vet's office. I've had Perla almost 14 years and the thought of anything bad happening to her makes me lose it. She's not just a dog, she's my buddy, my friend, my companion, and my little love. She's been faithful and dedicated to me from the beginning. I'm waiting for the vet to call me back with the results of her bloodwork, so please send positive vibes my way.

I need chocolate...lots of it.

Today is..

...the big day and I can't sleep. In 12 hours we'll know where we'll be living for the next five years of our lives. I can't believe this day is here. I have been waiting for this day for the past six months. I need to sleep so that the next 12 hours fly by. If only I could sleep. Alex is sound asleep. Lucky him. Perla's trying to help me out by pretending to be asleep, but I know she's nervous too...

Poor Poodle.

I promise it's for her own good...

Does Your Dog Do This?

Sometimes Perla truly amazes me. Sometimes she does things that catch me off guard and make me laugh harder than I ever thought a dog could make me laugh. Take yesterday, for example. We had dinner and cleared the table. Then, Perla did this:
She jumped on my chair and then climbed onto the table in search of food. She's a very naughty (and incredibly cute) dog.

PS please excuse the messy apartment.

Remembering Holidays 2008

This post is long overdue. I have been wanting to do a recap post of the holidays and hadn't gotten a chance to do it until now. The past holiday season was great. We were able to spend time in Miami with our families and friends. We were able to go to the beach and enjoy the sun. The best part was that we were able to enjoy all the great Miami food. This holiday season was one of the best ones yet. I was able to truly enjoy every minute of our trip and I can't wait to be in Miami again. Here are a few highlights:

My mother in-law's table setting: This is the most gorgeous
table setting I have ever seen. She really outdid
herself with this one.
Perla enjoying the sun: I think she knew how bad the weather
was going to be back in Boston so she took advantage
and spent every second she could outside.
Our reindeer tradition: this has quickly become a staple.
I don't think the holidays would be the same
without these.
Abuela's Pernil (pork leg): Abuela had everyone eating out of
her hands with this one. By the time this sucker
was carved, we had already picked off
a huge chunk of it.
Fried Turkey: They made a fried turkey for Thanksgiving and
because of how good it came out they made another
one. I am so thankful they did because the
turkey was amazing and juicy.
Mom's Tamales: This is a staple in my mom's house. She
makes these every year and every year I eat
at least 2 of them in one sitting.
Abuela's Flan: One word. Amazing.
Driving from Naples with a huge painting: We went to the Naples Art Festival
and my in-laws saw a gorgeous painting with an amazing price. Let's just
say that I have never seen anything sell quicker than that
painting. Figuring out how to fit it in the car was
another issue.
Santa's Helpers: These girls are too cute for words.
My siblings: They say that the friends you have the longest in your
life are your siblings. I am very lucky to have two of
the best people related to me. It's fun going
on this lifetime journey with them.

Happy Birthday Perla!

On June 6, 1995 my little poodle girl was born. I can't believe that my doggy is 13 years old. In August I will have had her for 13 years. Where does time go? It's because of how great my time with her has been that I think everyone should have a pet. When you have a pet your heart is touched in ways you never thought it could be and it's always amazing to think about how attached you can be to a fuzzy creature that is completely dependent on you.

Thank you Perla for making life a little more interesting and a lot more fun!

Updates!

What a week it has been! Our dog Perla had a semi-emergency surgery last Monday and Alex got into a car accident last Thursday. Luckily enough Perla has recovered beautifully, Alex wasn't hurt, and our insurance rocks. Despite all this stress, life must go on and this city eater must eat! This past weekend we ventured into the South End and had dinner at Gaslight. Gaslight was a typical South End eatery and that's not necessarily a good thing. BUT more on that tomorrow.

In our unending search for good Spanish food we are heading to Tango in Arlington this weekend (woo hoo for rental cars!). I have heard nothing but good things about this place and I only hope the food is reminiscent of my hometown Miami, FL.