Monday, July 18, 2011

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This Week in Mommyhood

The word of the week is mortified. Motherhood equals mortified as I saw my child hit another child in music class with wooden sticks. When we first started music class Cati was shy and would hang back as the other kids went to the bin to get their instruments. Somewhere along the line Cati got more assertive (aggressive?) and she would go up to the bin and hit whatever child was in her way. No provocation other than being in her way. She hits as if saying "get out of my way!" I dread going to music class because of the hitting and at this point we are going to stop doing them because I don't think either of us are really enjoying the classes.

So the hitting is bad. I don't know why. We instantly correct and try to show her appropriate touching behavior but the hitting continues. I know she gets that she shouldn't be hitting because I've seen her hit then kiss without me intervening but I wish she would process enough to not hit in the first place. It's a lot to ask of a 17-month old toddler to show some emotional/reactive restraint but if she could it would really help me feel better about my mothering.

The parents of the hitting victim are always very understanding but it doesn't stop me from wanting to cry when said parents say "It's ok. I'm just happy it's not my child doing the hitting!" Suddenly, what I know to be a stage goes from that to a huge parenting problem that feels like a reflection of my parenting skills. This is one of the fundamental flaws of parenthood: you love and are so invested in your children that things become internalized so it is nearly impossible to remain completely objective and separate from your children.

Aside from the further slump into the mommyhood blues, here are the other fun developments this week:

Oink Oink. Cati knows what a pig is now and she loves to snort like one!

Feeding Frenzy. Cati loves to share her food with her stuffed animals. It just about melts my heart when I see her offering her toys a drink of water or a nibble of food.

One more music class to make it through. Is it sad that it's only Monday and I'm already dreading the end of the week?


Alexandria said...

:( How does she do with other kids outside of music class? I hope she is at least not hitting Mommy anymore!

Desi said...

Hopefully getting her into school and around more kids will make her learn not to hit. And try not to think of it as bad parenting, because obviously you are not! But it is completely understandable that you internalize the things Cati does and see it as a reflection of you. You're doing great, I hope things get easier soon!