Monday, January 2, 2012

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And that's it. It's 2012 and 2011 is officially a thing of the past. I'm sure it's going to take me a few days to get used to writing that out. I can honestly say 2011 was a good year; a lot happened and a lot didn't happen. There were new beginnings, new memories, and, of course, there were sad things and losses in life and friendships. I didn't meet my goal to read 52 books in 52 weeks, but I did realize that I could handle going back to school. That right there was a huge boost to my ego. In 2011 we celebrated four years of marriage and Cati's first birthday. We saw an explosion of growth and imagination in Cati and realized that despite feeling so blessed and fulfilled, we wanted more. Talk about greedy, but God must have thought wanting more was OK and he sent us Baby D. All things considered, life really couldn't have been better in 2011.

The new year brings with it so many hopes. As with anything new and unknown, the expectations are high and the hope is for things to somehow work themselves out. This will be a huge year for our family. Cati will turn two, Baby D will be born, and Alex will begin the interviewing process for fellowship. The date for the next big move is inching closer and it's exciting to think of the possibilities.

Nearing the end of the year was filled with mixed emotions for me. 2012 is the year of Baby D's birth, something I wanted to both keep at a distance and draw nearer. There's excitement and fear, happiness and apprehension all bottled up in the birth of one little person. So many questions, with the biggest and most pressing being "how much will things change?" As the due date nears, I find myself looking at Cati and feeling overwhelmed with guilt. She is so precious and perfect and wonderful; will a sibling take that away from her? I know it won't but emotions get the better of me and I wonder if it is really, truly possible to feel so madly in love with two separate beings. So while I want this pregnancy to slow down, I also want Baby D to be here so I can finally know what and how to feel.

So with all that, I welcome you 2012. I welcome whatever ride you are going to send me on. All I want is to survive and to be able to love as fully and devotedly as I did in 2011. A little more patience would also be a good thing. And for you, dear readers, I wish you the best in 2012. May it bring you health, happiness, and enough new beginnings and memories to make 2012 worthwhile.

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