The past day and half has been tough. The past 8 hours have been agonizing. I sit here trying to write this post but the tears are making it hard. Perla is gone. If you have a pet you absolutely adore, make sure to give them a big hug and kiss as soon as you can. If you aren't a pet person then just ignore this post.
Monday night I noticed that her bruising was back. Alex checked her Sunday and she was bruise-free. I gave her steroid in hopes that it would kick start the healing process like it had done so many times in the past. This time, her body resisted, the bruising got worse and she spent all of yesterday being lethargic. She ate, peed, and pooped but was lethargic. I debated taking her to the vet because I secretly thought this was it and because I didn't want to make whatever time she had left be spent in a vet's office doing things that hurt and made her uncomfortable. At night, I couldn't sleep because, again, I felt like this was it. I read my book and kept telling myself, "the next chapter is short so I'll read it and then go to bed." Sometime between 12:30am and 1:00am Perla threw up and peed on herself. I woke Alex and asked him to help me clean. As he cleaned the floor, I cleaned Perla. She was a weak little thing in my arms. Her 10lb body was limp and just hung down from my arms. She was still and I couldn't feel her heart and I asked Alex if she was dead. Her jerking movements proved she was still alive, but just barely. We sat on the floor with her, petted her, told her how much we loved her and that it was ok to go. And she did. Even after she was gone we just kept petting and crying and hoping that her life here with us was as good as it could have been.
Perla was just too old. There's only so much her body could take. As weird as it sounds, I couldn't have asked for a better death for her. She wasn't in pain and she went on her own terms with us stroking her soft, curly poodle hair. I'm happy she passed at home instead of at a vet's office and that it was natural versus us making the decision to put her down.
Right now, though, I am so thankful for Cati. She is the one thing that will force me to move on. I want a happy daughter and that means I need to be happy. To do that I need to focus on the happy moments, the happy memories, and the imprint of happiness that has been left on my soul as a result of having Perla by my side for as long as I did. She was a good dog and I just hope that she's up in doggy heaven thinking that I was just as good of an owner.