Friday, November 16, 2012

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Inside Outside

Thirty-nine weeks. Inside and outside. I still remember taking the pregnancy test that would create a new mark of time for us. The countdown began on June 13, 2011 with that first pink line. We waited and waited and I, once again, marveled at my body's ability to grow, expand, and accommodate a new life. From two cells, brought together by love, a person began to take root. Each day brought new developments and achievements. For 39 weeks miracles happened everyday. From two cells to a cluster of cells to viability to full-term; from indistinguishable blob to uniquely you.
Photo by Simply Captivating
For 39 weeks I thought about you, dreamed about you, wanted you. Perhaps not as obsessively as I did the first time around, but definitely as intensely. Those 39 weeks were punctuated with moments of stress but we made it through together. In the end, 39 weeks in, you came into the world just as I hoped and dreamed you would. You changed my life, our lives, and even my view of motherhood.
You were born on February 17, 2012 and in those 39 weeks since I have seen us all grow. I have seen Cati grow into a caring, loving, and thoughtful sister. I have seen your dad grow even more weak in the knees. I have seen myself grow more comfortable and at ease in this motherhood skin. Of course, the one who has changed the most has been you. 
Photo by Simply Captivating
In 39 weeks you have gone from a helpless little infant to a blabbering, crawling, standing, grabbing, constantly moving baby. Thirty-nine weeks ago I could swaddle you with ease. Today, just getting you to lay on your back is a battle. Thirty-nine weeks ago I had to do everything for you. Today, you still need for to do a lot, but there is so much you can do on your own. In the past 39 weeks you have learned how to give back with your smiles, kisses, and calls for attention. 
On the one hand, it astounds me how much you have accomplished in just 39 weeks. On the other hand, I know all that you will accomplish in the weeks to come thanks to Cati. I feel as if I am in this beautiful position of having treasured your past, relishing your present, and anticipating the future.

There is so much I want to say. So many ways I wish I could express my love. I have been trying to do it for the past 78 weeks. Where you were physically may have been different but the aim was always the same: provide you with a safe and loving environment that will nurture your growth. You have been outside as long as you were inside. Time plays bittersweet tricks on us and soon this milestone, which is only truly meaningful for me, will be behind us. Many milestones await us, but for today, as I look at my flat belly and my arms full of you, I am thankful.