Five Months

Cati turns 5 months today. I can't believe my baby girl is 5 months old. I still remember our first few days together like they were yesterday. Those were hard days and I didn't think I would make it to this point. This past month has seen me reflecting a lot on my pregnancy and the first few weeks home with Cati. I feel like I am a completely different person and I can hardly believe I am the same person who spent so much time not enjoying motherhood and wishing for time to fly. Now I am enjoying almost every minute of motherhood and I want so badly to have time slow down. We have finally reached a point in our relationship where we are comfortable with one another and know each other. I know things will continue to get better but I feel like I am barely savoring this moment before the next moment happens. Funny how a little bit of time and experience can change the way you feel so drastically.

I don't feel like Cati has changed that much this month. She still looks like the same sweet and happy Cati to me, but I know she has changed because more and more people are saying she looks like me. She definitely is going to have her momma's crazy frizzy hair.

Where Cati has changed dramatically this month is in her physical and motor skills. She's now an expert at rolling, is getting better at the whole crawling thing, and can sit straight up for minutes at a time. You can tell she is testing her body because she does certain things just to see what her body does. For instance, she'll be sitting and then she'll move her arm out in front of her just to see what it does to her balance. She'll move her arm back to her side and then back out in front of her again. It's amazing to think that little things like this are her way of learning about the world and about cause and effect. Her hand-eye coordination gets better and better and she has no problem reaching out and grasping whatever is put in front of her.

They say that the 4-month wakeful period is a response to huge developmental leaps. Thus, sleep regression. Well, Cati better be making developmental leaps the size of the Grand Canyon because otherwise I don't know how else to explain why she went from sleeping in 3 hour long stretches to 2 hour long stretches. It's killing me at night to be up so often. Luckily, Cati is better at entertaining herself so she is able to play with her toys in the morning so that I can get a few extra minutes of sleep.

Speaking of sleep, the biggest accomplishment this month has been weaning Cati from the swaddle. I thought it was going to be really hard to do because of instances where she refused to sleep without being swaddled, but it wasn't. We started off by leaving her legs out of the swaddle and then unswaddled one of her arms and over one weekend we got her off the swaddle completely. The first few days after were a dream and she actually slept in til 8am.

Cati was baptized this month and I am still in awe over all the love there is out there for our little family. Cati is going to grow up in such a great and incredibly loving family. My favorite thing about her baptism was the letter my sister (Cati's godmother) wrote to her. In this letter my sister told Cati she was the best gift anyone could have ever given her (my sister). This is so true for so many people and the baptism highlighted that sentiment.

Alex's first Father's Day was another memorable day this past month. I know I talk a lot about seeing Cati grow and development into her own person, but I have to say that I am equally in awe of how Alex has grown into his role as a father. My love for him is so profound and there is nothing more heartwarming than seeing him with our daughter and seeing how obsessed she is with him (she does not take her eyes off him when he's around). She is definitely going to be a daddy's girl (even more reason for her to look like me!).

This has also been the month that Cati has discovered her whiny voice. I laugh every time she whines because I didn't think a person so young could already master whining. She does not cry nearly as much as she used to but her whining has increased. Now she only cries when she's really tired or really hungry.

I didn't think I was going to make it through the month pumping. I honestly thought I was drying out. In reality, it was just my body regulating itself. I am still pumping enough for Cati and Cati has been eating roughly the same amount every day for the past 2 months. After my freak out this month about drying out I have become more relaxed about pumping. I will not push myself to pump more than what I am pumping and I will not pressure myself to do more when I am already doing enough. I will take pumping month by month and if I make it to 9 months like I initially wanted, then great. If I don't, well at least I have a freezer full of milk that Cati has no problem drinking.

Last month I said I felt like it was the month Cati came alive, well this month I feel like it's the month I came alive. I feel so comfortable and confident in my role a a mother that I cannot believe I am the same person who felt so unfit a few months ago. I still have my moments where I can't believe I actually have a baby, but I don't feel so alone and isolated anymore. I love being a mother and I love it so much that I have actually thought about baby #2. That baby won't come anytime soon but just the fact that I am thinking about and wanting it is a huge sign of my improved mental state. I even miss being pregnant. Go figure!

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I am so thankful for Cati. She is such a beautiful and happy baby. I can't believe I have been so blessed. I can't believe she was given to me and that I have had her for my own for the past 5 months. Utterly amazing.