Nine Months.

Note: These monthly letters are written as if I am writing them to Cati.  

Nine months. With each passing month I am more and more amazed with you and with how quickly time is passing. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms for the first time. Sometimes it feels like those days where I would cry with you happened in another lifetime. Such is motherhood. It changes as you change and it becomes rosier as the incomprehension of new motherhood turns into the comprehension you only get with time and with getting to know this perfect stranger of a child.

You become more and more of a little person the older you get. It never ceases to amaze me that a few short months ago you were a blob of a baby, completely reliant on me for survival. You are still reliant on me but now you move around, you talk, you laugh, you throw tantrums, and you eat big people food. Of the many sounds you make that I will miss as you continue to grow is the sound of your hands speedily hitting the ground as you crawl.

This past month was spent with me greedily awaiting the appearance of your first tooth. No luck. This little tooth perfectly symbolizes the bittersweet nature of motherhood; I am anticipating its arrival and picturing how adorable you will look but at the same time I love your gummy smile and am sad at the end of that smile that contains all the happiness of your babyhood.

I also spent the month going from three pumps to one pump a day. From the beginning I said I wanted to make it to nine months pumping. I have. While I am beyond thrilled and proud of reaching this goal I find myself hesitation about quitting. Pumping once a day is so easy and convenient, why stop? I've already done so much and there's enough frozen milk to get you pretty close to a year. I guess I'm just not ready to accept the idea that you no longer need me in that sense.

You started cruising this month. You haven't reached the point where you do it because you can though. You only do it when you want something. You love to stand and love to practice standing on you own. At the beginning of the month whenever you'd stand you'd fall back and plop on you bum. Now you go from standing to a lunge-like position to sitting. Your movements have become more fluid and controlled.

You turned into a big eater this month. Sometimes I think I feed you too much. But I'd rather feed you more than not enough. At nine months you get almost 5 Tbsp of cereal plus 4 oz of breast milk for breakfast, 6-7 Tbsp of fruit, veggies, and beans for lunch, and 20 oz of breast milk a day.

The light bulb really went off in your head in terms of communication this month. If I say "la manito" you twist your hand, if I say "palmitas" or "yay" you clap, if I say "hi" or "bye" you open and close your hands. You know who Perla is and you know what a "pato" (duck) is and that it goes "quack." You respond to your name and oftentimes say "aehh." You also say "aehh" whenever you are about to do something you're unsure about; it's as if you are asking if it's ok for you to proceed.

You are such a happy baby. You love to smile and laugh. You are such a physical baby. You are always in motion. You are curious and inquisitive. You love kisses and hugs. You're still touch and go with fruits but the trick is to give you tart fruits in puree form and sweet fruits in share-with-mommy form. You are still sleeping through the night although you do toss and turn a lot. You look more and more like a little girl and your hair is growing faster than anything else on you.

Nine months old. You have been outside and growing for as long as you were inside and growing. I love you more today than ever. I love getting to know you and spending my days with you. As always I thank you for being my daughter and giving me the gift of motherhood.