A Year Ago Today...

...I found out I was pregnant. It took another week for Alex to find out, which was so hard because that week was filled with lots of "I hope you're pregnant" and "maybe you're pregnant" comments. I was so happy, excited, and scared when I found out. In the days after I found out, all I could think was "Holy sh*t, we are really doing this again!" I had been pregnant once before so I knew what to expect and I knew that in the big picture of things, pregnancy was the easy part. What had me scared throughout the pregnancy was the unknown of having two kids: how would Cati react? would I have enough love for two kids? will I be able to handle having two kids? I was also scared about my mental state if I were to get another newborn like Cati. Thankfully, things turned out a million times better than I could have ever imagined. I got my VBAC birth and, while nursing didn't work, I am incredibly at peace and happy with pumping. Cati is an amazing and loving big sister and the affection simply oozes out of her. Two kids has been hard and I've had to learn how to let go, but it has been so rewarding and so worth it. The good days far outnumber the bad and I find myself falling more and more in love with my girls. Elina fits in perfectly with out family and she is the ying to Cati's yang. Where Cati is intense, Elina is mellow. All pregnancy long and even now at times, I pictured Elina fitting into the mold Cati created in my mind, but Elina has, in these short 3.5 months, proved to me that she is her own little wonderful person and I couldn't be more thankful for that positive pregnancy test we were blessed with a year ago.

Pregnancy test that changed our lives. 

Elina and me on June 8, 2012.

I am always saying Elina has been my dream baby because she's been easier. The reality is that for as much as she is easier than Cati, I am a different mother now than I was two years ago. She's easier because I am more confident in my parenting skills and in myself as a mother. Elina benefits from all the resolved insecurities and acknowledged mistakes and gets a better mother. I am constantly growing and changing as a mother to be the best mother for my girls and I hope I'm doing the best I can to show them they are loved, adored, and appreciated.

Cati's A Year Ago Today post.