Thursday, January 15, 2009

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Obsession of the Week

I'm pretty behind on some of the things I have been wanting to post. The truth is, I am pretty behind in almost all aspects of my life. I've been in school for about two weeks now and I am already swamped. I'm slowly becoming a hermit again and little by little I feel my social skills disappearing. Something about the first year of law school makes your thinking very mechanical and formal. Everything is an issue and your mind works overtime trying to figure out what that issue is. Whoever said "ignorance is bliss" must have had law school in mind because a year ago I wouldn't have thought about a tenth of the things I think about now. I feel I was more human, more emotional, more sympathetic, and definitely more naive a year ago.

Just when I am at the brink of declaring that I am nothing more than a head full of cases and legal rules, I am reminded that I am still human and that others see me as as a human too. Sure Alex reassures me that I am, in fact, still a human on a daily basis, but he is living with a legal looney and I'm sure he just wants to survive to see tomorrow. But this week I was reminded of my humanness by someone who doesn't interact with me on a daily basis and who thankfully doesn't know the extent of my transformation into a legal blob. This person has been a beacon of strength for me as I try to navigate the path toward becoming a woman and a professional. I don't know how she views me now or what she thinks of the person I have become, but I'd like to think that she still sees me as that little girl who liked to dress up in her clothes and pretend to be a newswoman. That little girl who was still naive about the world and truly believed that all people were inherently good. That little girl who looked up to her aunt and wondered how she was so lucky to have someone else in a fractured family that understood and could relate. It's thinking about that little girl in relation to her aunt that gives me hope and reminds me that I am human. Thank you Esther for your care package; it reminded me that I am still your niece and still in need of your love and guidance.


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