Red Velvet Crinkle Cookies

If I could describe things right now in one word it would be overwhelming. A third of the way through the semester and I am still worried about managing it all. Cati broke her collarbone close to four weeks ago and that was scary. Luckily, she is almost 100% healed and I am looking forward to planning the girls a very delayed birthday party. Despite all the feelings of being overwhelmed, I have been in search of moments of happiness that help drive me through the long days. One of those moments came when I made these cookies. Cati helped mix the batter, spoon out dough, and rolled each cookie in powdered sugar. Tantrums were suspended for an hour and I was able to remember how awesome of a kid Cati has become. The tantrums of a three-year old are so much worse than the tantrums of a two-year old and it was wonderful having a moment of clarity and simply being with my daughter. Then, it was great sitting on the floor with her and eating these soft cookies together.

Red Velvet Crinkle Cookies
Source: Two Peas and their Pod
Yields: 24 cookies

 1 box red velvet cake mix (I used Duncan Hines)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 large eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Powdered sugar, for rolling the cookies

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or a Silpat and set aside.

In a large bowl, combine cake mix and flour. Whisk until clumps disappear. In the bowl of a stand mixer, mix together cake mix, flour, eggs, oil and vanilla extract. Mix until smooth.

Take about 1 tablespoon of cookie dough and form into a ball. Roll the ball in powdered sugar until fully coated.

Place cookie dough balls on prepared baking sheet. Bake for 10 minutes, or until edges are set and cookies begin to crack.

Let cookies sit on baking sheet for 2 minutes. Transfer cookies to a wire cooling rack and cool completely.

Elina: Twelve Months

Dear Elina,

Happy first birthday little bug. Officially, I can say you are a toddler now, but in many ways you are still a baby. Or at least you still feel and look like a baby to me because I see the two-year difference between your sister and you everyday. There is so much she can do, think, and say that you cannot yet. For as much as I complain about time having passed too quickly with you (it has), I should also say that I have been able to appreciate your baby-ness.

The greatest lesson you have taught me over this past year is that I can actually enjoy being a mother to both a newborn and a young infant. It took becoming a mother a second time and being your mother for me to realize that new motherhood does not have to be scary or traumatic. For that, I thank you. Being your mother has been filled with redemption and has been an opportunity for me to make peace with the dark shadows of my experience of the early days with Cati. In a way, you gave me closure and, again, I thank you. You have freed me.

I spent some time today looking through pictures and I was shocked by the clarity in which I remember the context of every photograph. The pictures of your first year of life are nowhere near as numerous as those of your sister's, but the ones I do have are more purposeful. Perhaps the reality is that I was more present during this time with you and needed less pictures and I needed more pictures of your sister because I felt like I was roaming around in the fog until she was about nine months old. Who knows? Just remember that it is not about the number of pictures, but the content and meaning of those pictures.

What struck me the most about looking through the pictures was how much you have changed. Your sister has basically had the same face since she was four months old, but not you. I look at the pictures and know it is you because of the features, but if I did not know better, I would think you a different baby. Your face has elongated and thinned out and you have become more petite and pixie-like. You have always been a beautiful baby, but you have gotten prettier with age.

This past month you have gone from taking steps to walking. You have become more expressive and have shown us how much you do understand even without words. You have turned into the most affectionate and cuddly baby and I live for those hugs and big wet kisses. You have truly come to enjoy your sister’s company: every morning you wake up and immediately go to the corner or your crib to look out for her, you love to lay down on her, and oftentimes you are her little shadow. The feeling is mutual too and my favorite memory from this month was one night when we were driving home and, not able to reach you with her hand, Cati reached out to you with her foot. The giggles that escaped both your mouths were the most beautiful sounds. Seeing the love you two have for one another feels like the greatest accomplishment I can make as a parent.

This past year we went on a journey together. We have both grown and changed. You have made me a better person just by letting me be your mother. I have seen you go from being a helpless newborn to a happy toddler with spunk. I knew if I could make it through this year with you, we would be set for life. There will be more difficulties, challenges, and changes ahead, but it was this first year together that scared me the most. We both did it. I need to take this lesson from both of you to heart: you both trust me with your lives, so I should start trusting in myself too.

Thank you Elina-bug for this past year. For choosing me to be your mother and your imperfect guide through this imperfect world.

Love always,

Mami 

Three.

It's an hour past Cati's birthday, February 14. My oldest "baby" has turned three and I find myself struggling with time. I want it to freeze, speed up, jump forward, jump backward. More than anything, I just want to feel like it's not slipping past me. I can still remember the day of Cati's birth and can still feel the raw pain of those first few months with her. I remember the joy I felt when she rolled for the first time, spoke for the first time, walked for the first time. I have all these fragments, these memories, that I can vividly recall and yet years have passed by and I am still left numb with the sensation that I missed something. Or worse, I did not enjoy something enough. The older my children get, the more bittersweet the milestone will be. Birthdays are those twilight days where one foot is stuck in the past and the other foot is ready to approach the future. On Cati's third birthday I looked at pictures from the past year. My, how she's changed and grown! I also, however, began to wonder about the future; what changes await us? How much will she change in the year to come? And again, time, you tricky thing. You've created a day where I struggle with staying present, with simply enjoying and celebrating not just a birthday but a birthgiving day.

Happy third birthday sweet Catarina. The past three years with you have been a beautiful journey, from newbornness to unprompted I love yous. Please forgive your mom for making a wonderful thing like your birthday this profound, philosophical event. Here's to continuing this journey together and to lots of cake along the way.

ING Half Marathon

I did it! I ran my first half marathon, ING. I was so proud of myself. There was a point, 7.5 miles in, that I thought there was no way I was going to finish, but I kept at it and managed to finish within my goal time of 2:30. I, quite honestly, had thoughts about just sitting on the sidelines waiting for the shuttle to drive me to the finish line and was cursing myself for signing up for four more half marathons this year. At mile 9 is when I started to regain my confidence and feel better. My mentality completely changed at mile 10, with 3.1 miles left: "this is a 5K, you can do it!"

The race was well executed and there was plenty of water and gatorade along the way. The course was beautiful. Never in my wild dreams did I think I would run down McArthur Causeway, Ocean Drive, and through downtown Miami. My biggest complaint is that I didn't know where the official start and finish lines where. I started tracking my run where I thought the start line was and I ran until the finish line and I clocked in almost 13.5 miles. It felt so good to cross that finish line and take my medal. So good, in fact, that all I could think about at that point was "when's the next race?" I hit the wall at 7.5 miles, I climbed over it, and trotted my happy self to the finish line.

Good old Garmin

Interestingly enough, I read that your wall is usually the longest run you have done in the previous 2-3 weeks. My last longest run before the race was 7.5 miles and it was supposed to be 10. Next time I know to make sure to (a) not do an obstacle run the day before your long run or (b) do the long run before an obstacle run. Either way, running the half marathon was such a great experience. There were so many runners and the festival they had after was full of lots of free drinks and food. Oh, and the expo before the race! It was a runner's paradise. We spent the whole day at the expo and Cati was still upset when we had to leave.

@ Expo

Our matching shirts

After stretching for a good 30 minutes I made my way home. Alex and the girls didn't make it out to the race so I was eager to get to my cheering squad. Cati was wearing her orange ING shirt and couldn't keep her hands off the medal. One of the best things about this race was the surprise of my aunt driving down from Orlando. This woman is made of some great stuff.

With my cheerleader

Lady loves

Next up, Disney's Princess February 24. I can't wait!

Fitness Updates

It's race week! I am so excited and nervous about my first half marathon. When I first decided to run the ING half marathon it seemed so far away. I wondered if I would be able to keep up with the training and if I would even be able to run 13.1 miles. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that a five mile run is a short run. Now I know I can physically and mentally do a 13.1 run. Now I think a five mile run is a short run and a three mile run a joy run. The best part of all my running is seeing how it trickles down; Cati now loves to run and she gets upset when I go running without her. One day she even told me she had a race to go to and that she ran faster than me. This is what it's all about: running is something I do for me, but it is also something I am doing so my girls will grow up thinking of exercising as fun and a part of our everyday lives.

Since I began officially training in October, I have logged close to 170 miles. I have seen my mile go from a 12+ minute mile to a 9-minute mile. I owe it all to the awesomeness of the Miami Galloway running group. My goal for this weekend is simply to finish the race. I'll be happy with whatever time because it means I finished, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a time in mind. From here on out until Sunday, I'll be carb loading, doing lots of stretching, and hydrating more than I did when I was pregnant.

But, before this weekend there was the Superhero Scramble. Superhero Scramble is a mud run/obstacle race. It was 5.7 miles plus 20 obstacles of good fun. I was so nervous because I was doing the event by myself but I met two great women who let me run and do all the obstacles with them. I was very close to not going because one of the obstacles terrified me (a wall climb does not fit well with someone with little upper body strength) but my great friend gave me a good talking to and I decided not to let fear get in the way of doing something fun. And the race was so much fun! I jumped into a lake, climbed rope, climbed walls, crawled through mud, and, of course, the wall that almost scared me out of the race. I had help with the wall but the point is that I did it. Everyone was so helpful and the camaraderie amazed me. The best part about the race really was seeing Alex and the girls waiting for me by the wall, cheering me on. As soon as Cati saw me she started yelling "go, Mami go!" There's no better motivation to reach the finish line than giving a big muddy kiss to your biggest cheerleader.

Here are pictures from Superhero Scramble:

Taking the Leap of Faith

Jumping over fire

Big slide

Getting muddy

With my girl

I can't say enough about how much fun this run was. I'm doing another one in next weekend (Foam Fest) and I can't wait. I think everyone should try an event like this. It's a great workout and you didn't even feel like you've been moving for as long as you have.

Herb-Parmesan Chicken

It has been so long since I last posted a recipe. School started two weeks ago and I am really struggling with balancing things and scheduling myself. Things feel a little overwhelming right now but I'm sure once I get into a steady groove, I will feel a little more in control. This chicken dish is the perfect dish for feeling out of control: it is a steady and consistent dish that will never let you down. I make this chicken at least twice a month because it is quick and easy and because it happens to be one of Cati's favorite chicken dishes. You really can't go wrong with this one.

Herb-Parmesan Chicken
Source: Progresso

2 Tbsp flour
1 egg, beaten
1 cup Progresso Italian panko bread crumbs
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
4 skinless chicken breasts (pounded to 1/2-inch thickness)
2 Tbsp oil or melted butter

Place flour, egg, and bread crumbs on separate plates. Stir Parmesan cheese into bread crumbs.

Coat chicken with flour, dip in egg, then coat well with bread crumb mixture,

In a 12-inch skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Cook chicken 8-10 minutes, turning once, until thickest part of chicken is 165 degrees F and coating is golden brown.

Elina: Eleven Months

Dear Elina,

Happy 11 months sweet girl. For the first time in the past three years I feel at a loss for words. You are growing up, there’s no doubt about that and soon you will be a toddler. The closer you get to that special milestone of your first birthday, the more and more I find myself reflecting on your whole life. Because of this, it is hard for me to remember what you did this past month that made your eleventh month of life so special.  Was it the cruising, the standing unassisted for longer periods of time, the clapping, the waving? Those are all great accomplishments, but in the grand scheme of things and in consideration of all the changes you have brought and the love you have filled us with, it all seems so tiny. All these developments seem like tiny descriptors for someone so grand.

Perhaps, it’s just me being emotional or dramatic because your growth leaves a more bittersweet feeling in my heart. With your sister we knew there would be another baby and the opportunity to relive the whole baby stage, but with you there is a definitive end to each stage: no other baby will come after you. All these experiences have been lived through and they will be the last ones. There won’t be another pregnancy. There won’t be another baby. Your firsts will be the last firsts. I won’t see another child of mine roll over for the first time and the triumph on that child’s face or hear another child of mine utter “mama” for the first time. Have I done my best to remember all these moments? Have I cherished this experience of you as a baby enough? When the memories begin to lose their focus, will I have regrets?

The irony in all this is that I look at you and I still see a baby. I see the difference of two years between you and your sister and you are more baby than you are toddler. You still look like a baby. You still need and rely on me. There is still so much you cannot do. I know this will all change. Time will continue to pass and you will continue to grow. Slowly, the babyness will creep out of you and one day, you will look and act like a toddler. I will love you then more than I love you now, but I will still look at you and wonder why time has been so cruel so as to play this trick on me of living with you everyday and being blind to the subtleties of your growth.

So 11 months. What did you do this month? You grew. What made this month special? That smile on your face, those arms clinging to me in an embrace, the kisses that came when asked for, the sound of “mama” escaping your mouth, all these little things that are meant to remind me that, even though you will not be a baby forever, the things you will be able to do are worth letting go of baby-you.

Love always,

Mami

More on Elina: Birth Story, One Month, Two Months, Three Months, Four Months, Five Months, Six Months, Seven Months, Eight Months, Nine Months, Ten Months

Running Updates

Note: I'm going to take a break from posting about the girls for a bit and instead I'm going to try to get to blogging more about food and fitness events I'm participating in. 

December was a busy month for fitness. Running has become my new passion and I love more than anything being able to say "I'm a runner." I've been running consistently since August and it already feels like something I have been doing all along. I have three half marathons lined up for this year (ING, Disney's Princess, and Miami Beach), a few 5Ks, and a few mud runs/obstacle races. Let's just say I'm hooked on this whole being fit business.

Last month, I participated in two 5Ks. The first one was in Austin: Color Me Rad 5K. What made this event really special was that I did it with my sister and this was her fitness event (I'm trying to infect everyone with the fitness bug!). Because she had her baby two months ago at the time, we went at her pace and ended up finishing the 5K in 45 minutes. To be honest, the slower pace was awesome because it meant more color!!! I was colored from head to toe and felt like a walking rainbow. I really liked this run because I got more color, it was laid back (no long lines to wait in), and the swag bag was awesome (pink glasses and a super soft cotton v-neck tee). Did I mention all the color? The best part really was doing this run with my sister. I've missed her so much since she moved to Austin and it was great to bring her into something that I'm currently passionate about.

The second run I did was The Jingle 5k in the Bradenton/Sarasota area. The funny story with this race is that I didn't tell Alex that I was participating in it until the day before the race. Alex had an interview in the Tampa area and we had planned for me to go with him and then for us to go to Orlando for the weekend without the kids. Around the time we decided I would go with him to Tampa, Active Advantage was giving away an entry to the race and it just so happened the race was on the same day we were in Tampa. The best part was that it was a night race (I love night races). The bad part was that the run was a good 45 minutes in the opposite direction of Orlando. Thus, I didn't tell Alex about the run until the day before because I knew he wouldn't be too happy about having to drive extra after a long day of interviewing. Alex must in some way be used to my craziness because he went along with it, thanked me for not signing him up too, and waited for me at the finish line despite the cold temperatures. This was my bet 5K yet: I completed it in 30 minutes flat. Go me!

Last month I also ran my first unofficial half-marathon. More than actually physically doing it, I wanted to mentally do it; to wrap my mind around running that far and for that long. I did the run by myself with my favorite musicians singing in my ears and it felt great. The first hour of running is always the hardest for me, but after that I feel like I could keep running for days. After I stopped running, however, I felt like my legs were going to give out on me. The next day I felt better and I was up and running again two days later.

My next fitness event in The Superhero Scramble next weekend and I am nervous. I have never done an obstacle race and I am starting to worry I haven't done enough to prepare for it. In particular, I'm afraid of having to climb a wall with the little upper body strength I have. Oh well. I just hope I won't have to do too many spins or burpees!

Happy Merry

PS don't forget about the giveaway!

Protein Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

I'm trying to combine the two things that I love to do for myself: fitness and baking. Now that I'm trying to be more fit and live a healthier life, I'm constantly on the search for recipes that taste good and sneak in extra goodness for the body. I guess this is a natural follow-up to the lactation-friendly recipes I used to make that loaded up on the flaxseed and Brewer's yeast. This particular recipe is great because it has protein and it actually tastes really good. So good in fact, that Alex didn't even realize there was protein in the cookies and Cati loved eating the cookies. I made my cookies thin and crispy because that's how the majority of people in my household like them, but if you want a denser cookie, you can simply add more oats. Next time I make these cookies I will be adding whole wheat flour just so I can get even more goodness in them.

Protein Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
Source: Slightly adapted from Dashing Dish

2 cups oats
1/4 cup protein powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
6 tbs unsalted butter, softened 
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
2 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 cup  semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Place 1/2 of the oats (1 cup) in a food processor, and grind until oats are ground into a flour. Combine with the rest of the oats, protein powder, baking soda, and salt. 

In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar until fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add the egg and beat for a minute. Add the vanilla and mix for another minute.

Mix in the dry ingredients just until combined.  Stir in the chocolate chips. 

Scoop out teaspoon-sized balls of cookie dough. Place on the cookie sheet, about 3 inches apart (these cookies spread quite a bit). Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden. Remove from oven and allow to cool. 

PS don't forget about the giveaway!