Running Low

Can a person run out of nurture? I think I'm teetering awfully close to being nurtured out. Cati has been unpredictable with her naps and has been frequently skipping out on her morning nap. This has left my hands full with not only more activities to keep her entertained but also with a child that is cranky and extra sensitive because she's tired. She's so tired she needs more comforting thus making her more attached to me and more in tuned with my emotions.  If I say no to anything it's the end of the world and she cries like I broke her heart in the worst way. Then if I don't carry her she will lay on the floor and cry and cry and CRY until I pick her up. Reminiscent of those early days with Cati I find myself walking away when she's crying to give myself a minute to recharge the nurturing batteries. I don't think she even realizes I have walked away because when I come back she's still in the same place crying. I feel guilty doing this because I know that if I pick her up she will stop crying but sometimes picking her up, consoling her, and wiping away the tears requires too much energy. So I walk away, recharge, and then plow on.

Motherhood is patience. Patience needed to care and patience needed to temper frustration. Patience to love unconditionally despite the guilt, disappointment, disillusionment, and feelings of failure. Patience to do the same thing day in and day out.  Patience to know that while today may beat you down tomorrow just might be the day you soar.