Another new thing I want to do on the blog is dedicate a post to my Adventures in Mommyhood. It will be a weekly post recapping my week with Cati. If you remember this post, you'll remember that I think it's really important to have an open dialogue when it comes to the difficulties of parenthood. Not all of it is difficult and there are more good moments than bad, but it is hard and I really think we jump into this whole parenthood thing completely unprepared no matter how much we feel we are prepared. So hopefully these posts will continue the dialogue and resonate with some. And now, without further ado...
Each week starts with me freaking out about having to spend my days alone with Cati. I don't know if I will ever feel 100% comfortable and confident in my parenting skills. There comes a moment every weekend where I feel like crying because I doubt my ability to make it through the week. Above all, I fear being alone with Cati. It's as if I am transported back to that first week home from the hospital with a baby I don't know. It's so weird. I thought those feelings would have faded by now but they haven't. I'm taking it as an indication of how seriously and fully I take my role as Cati's mother.
I have been told multiple times that you can tell I know her better and that I enjoy her more. I do know her better and I am enjoying her more. My favorite time of day with her is in the morning when she first wakes up because she is so playful and interactive. She's talkative and constantly gives me that smile that makes my heart skip a beat. This is the only time that she's her most calm and patient. She wakes up refreshed and ready to tackle the day.
She has settled herself into a bit of a routine. She's down for the night by 9pm and wakes up for the day by 7:30am. When they tell you not to get to used to a routine because it will change, they aren't lying. While Cati's bedtime and wake up times have remained fairly constant, her nighttime activities haven't. She went from only waking up twice overnight to waking up at least 5 times, with 4 of those times happening between 1am and 6am. She's obviously not a fan of letting her mom sleep. She used to be a good napper during the day and now she naps a total of 4 hours max, if I'm lucky. She's been taking two 30-45 min naps during the day and one two-hour nap in the late afternoon. She's not giving me much time for Me-Time during the day.
Cati likes attention. This week she has shown us that she gets upset when the attention is off her. We went out to dinner with her Abuela and at one point we weren't paying much attention to Cati because we were conversing. Well, Cati didn't like it one bit and started to cry. As soon as we looked at Cati and started talking to her she calmed right down. She was letting us know that she's the center of attention and reprimanding us for forgetting that.
We went to the beach for the first time this week. She got to wear her Gymboree bathing suit and even dipped her feet in the water. She responds well to water and actually enjoys it. I'm waiting for her to be a little older before I dunk more of her body in the water.
In mommy news, I got a clogged duct. Anyone who has ever had a clogged duct will tell you that it is not fun. I love that Cati has survived exclusively on breast milk and wouldn't change anything about that, but a clogged duct is a huge setback and an even bigger annoyance. It makes you incredibly uncomfortable and trying to get the clog out is sometimes painful. It also makes you wish for the days when your boobs lose their functionality and return to their aesthetic form. I can't wait til my boobs belong to me again and for things like clogged ducts and mastitis to become a faint memory.
We looked at Cati's newborn pictures and are stunned at how much she has changed and grown. I still can't believe this child was inside me at some point. I feel so blessed to have her and so lucky to be able to see her develop into her own little person. Alex said he felt like crying because his daughter was growing up so fast. I told him the only tears he'd see from me would be tears of joy because we are passed those hard first few weeks.
My goal is for her to know how much I love her so I spend a lot of time kissing her, hugging her, and telling her I love her. One day she will reject all these affections but before we get to that point I want her to know, without a doubt, that she is loved and adored.
The most exciting development this week is the increase in people saying she looks like me. When she was born, and up until a few weeks ago, the majority of people said she looked like Alex. Now I think Alex is very handsome and don't think there is anything wrong with Cati looking like him, but the girl should at least pay a little homage to the woman who carried her for 9 months and to the woman from whose body she was taken out of. It's the least she can do ;-)
Cati turns 3 months next week and I can't wait to see what next week brings. Life with a baby is never dull!
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