This Week in Mommyhood

Remember how I was feeling crappy as heck last week? Well talking about it helped A LOT and this week I feel like the best mom in the world. I woke up every day this week feeling refreshed and ready to care for my daughter. Such is the life with child; one day can be the most horrible day ever and the next can be the most wonderful. There's no predicting how things will be with a baby. I am so thankful for that because it helps keep me living in the present.

Baptism plans are gearing up and I can't believe her baptism is two weeks away. I feel like there is so much to do and yet there's really nothing I can do beforehand. I will have a really busy day the day before the baptism. I took her baptism gown and party dress to a seamstress to get altered because the sleeves were too small on the gown (I love her chunky arms!) and the straps were too long on her dress. I can't wait to see how she looks in both outfits.

Cati is finally reverting back to her old feeding ways. She isn't giving much of a fight anymore and she stays focused when eating. I am so happy about this because I was getting really frustrated with how difficult she was to feed. I kept thinking there was something wrong with my breast milk. Now that this little stage is over I am anticipating the beginning of the next frustrating stage: the 4-month wakeful period. Maybe I'll get lucky and Cati will decide to skip this!

We went to the beach this week and, while it's not Cati's first trip to the beach, it was her first time going in the water. She loved the beach! I knew she'd like the water because she loves her baths but I didn't know how much she'd like it. She was smiling, laughing, and talking while in the water, and was constantly kicking her feet around as if she was swimming.

Cati had her 4-month appointment this week and she is growing beautifully. She weighs 15 lb, 6 oz and is 25 inches long. I can't believe she has already doubled her birth weight and that she has grown so much off of breast milk alone. I can't believe that it is my milk that has helped her grow. It's such a weird and rewarding feeling. It makes my feeling like a cow worth it.

Speaking of breast milk, Cati had her first momsicle this week! I gave her one after an especially hot walk and she loved it. She sucked and chewed on it and when we were done with that I slushed up the frozen breast milk and fed it to her with a spoon. I think she liked the spoon more than the actual breast milk though.

I was hoping to get the ok to start solids from our pediatrician but we didn't. The truth is that I was hoping to start solids so that the pressure of pumping could be reduced a bit. I'm still pumping more than enough for Cati but I am afraid that there will come a day when I won't. As it is, I lost about 8 oz of milk due to my last bout of mastitis and I've recently lost about 6 oz due to what I'm assuming was a clogged duct (nothing felt clogged, but the breast was really sore). What will happen to my supply if I keep losing oz?

I'm still trying to "let go." I'm trying to let others take control and I'm trying not to stress out over numbers (how much I'm pumping and how much Cati is eating). I've never felt like such a control freak in my life. I keep hoping that my control issues will ease up the older Cati gets but I don't know. It's so hard when I want to do everything right and I want to make sure my daughter is getting everything she needs.