Monday, September 27, 2010

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This {Last} Week in Mommyhood

Oftentimes, Alex looks at me like I have lost my mind. I am excited about all of Cati's firsts, from the cute ones like first smiles to the proud ones like feeling like she recognizes me for the first time to the impressive ones like pulling herself up for the first time to the gross ones like first big person poop. It's this last first that has gotten me the most recent "are you out of your mind?" look. Alex doesn't understand why I was so anxious for the first big girl poop and honestly sometimes I wonder how it's even possible for me to be so excited about something as gross as poop. But I am. I find everything Cati does or produces cute. She had had one or two big people poops before last week but for the first time all her poops were big people poops. I think I was anxious for that because not only does it make changing diapers a million times easier but also because it's just another sign that she is growing and developing well. Her little infant body and organs are growing and becoming more efficient and mature and more big person-like. Call me silly and think I'm crazy for dedicating a whole paragraph to poop but I can't help but be impressed with the fact that Cati started off as two cells and is now a real little person.
Cati is still climbing on everything and she is feeling more comfortable with crawling on all fours. I noticed something interesting this week though: she will only pull herself to standing if she's holding onto your hands. She will reach for things and pull herself onto her knees but it's as if she doesn't feel secure enough to pull herself up until she's standing. I am constantly trying to figure out what's going on in her brain and it's cool to be able to see how something such as pulling to standing is processed in her head based on whether she feels comfortable with whatever she's using as support.
I don't know if it's teething or not but Cati has been ravenous when it comes to her hands. I have to fight with her hands when it comes to eating and she almost always has a hand or finger in her mouth. Her preferred finger? Her thumb. This has led to lots of laughs at Alex's expense because he was a notorious thumb sucker as a kid. Like father, like daughter.
Cati is still babbling away and sounds so much like Donald Duck. I love the sound of her little voice and I love repeating the sounds back to her. I was finally able to get a video of her but only because she didn't know I was recording. The girl can be babbling away energetically, but the minute I pull out the camera she completely shuts down. Leave it to her to be camera shy when I don't want her to be!
Cati has become so much fun because of how interactive she is but this week she took it to a whole new level when she actually started imitating! Alex's family likes to play a little game where the adult says "topi topi topi" (pronounced "toh-pee") while moving his/her head toward Cati until their foreheads touch. Well, as soon as Cati hears "topi" and sees the other person moving his/her head toward her she moves her head down toward them too! She looks so cute playing this game and, again, I am so impressed with her development and how far she has come.
Cati is officially a waking-up-only-once-overnight baby! If she's in bed and asleep by 7:30pm she will make it to 4am before waking up to eat. However, if she's not asleep by 7:30pm then she wakes up closer to 2am to eat. In both instances, she goes back to sleep and then doesn't wake up again until 7am but I still prefer the 7:30pm-4am stretch. I didn't think we'd get to this point and I am so happy we have. While I'm still tired 85% of the time, I am a more rested person.
On the mommy front I did something bad this week. I mean, it wasn't really bad but I felt horrible. I guess I was extremely tired one particular night and completely disoriented with time. Cati woke up a few times and cried throughout the night. I didn't go into her room each time she woke up because I like to give Cati about 10 minutes to get herself back to sleep (if she's still crying after 10 minutes then I will go in and feed her). The next thing I know it's morning and Cati did not eat a single thing overnight! I felt so bad that I didn't go into her room one of the times she woke up and cried. Even though I know she mustn't have been too hungry because she didn't cry long enough for me to get out of bed I still feel like I neglected her. I try to look at the positives (she can go a whole night without eating which means she can potentially go a whole night without waking!) but I still feel like I'm not on top of my mommy game as I should be.
Mommyhood is so hard. We are our own biggest supporters and challengers. I'm so proud of everything that Cati's accomplishing and I know she is accomplishing as much as she is because of the care she is getting but then something like not going in to feed her overnight completely blows my mommy self-esteem. All of sudden, I'm not as vigilant or caring all because of one isolated incident. I want so bad to do everything right that I don't cut myself any slack when something goes wrong or not as right as I think it should.

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